"It will be life-changing", they said. Wow were they right or what! I guess I have always figured that it will change my life but oh boy, did it change me. From the moment I saw my little girl and reached out into the incubator to touch her little fingers and hand, I couldn't believe the overwhelming feeling of love that I felt. It sounds cliche I know but really I did.I looked at her photo that night and cried whilst my partner was snoring away next to my hospital bed as our little girl had to spend the night in Intensive Care. I am not sure if it was the lack of sleep, labour pain, the drugs, hormones or just maternal instinct that made me cry but that sure wasn't the last time since.
First week, the tears just kept rolling in, on and off, and sometimes I didn't even know why I was crying but most of the time, because everything was just so new. How was I going to look after this precious little human and keep her alive! I had one chance to bring her up and I thought to myself, I better do a damn good job! Well eventually, I came into terms with the fact that it is a learning process for my partner and I- just as much as it is a learning process for our little girl.
It has definitely been a roller coaster ride. My baby was never one to sleep easily like the other babies in my coffee group nor did I cope very well with sleep training letting her "cry it out". I felt pretty knackered around week 3 when my partner went back to work. I admit I was jealous that he could go back to his 'normal' life regardless of him reassuring me that his life will never be the same again either. I got over that pretty fast as the days went by and the more I got used to my new lifestyle, the more I started to enjoy it. Don't get me wrong, I have loved every minute of it even at the most tiring moments but I would be lying if I said it wasn't challenging.
After a few months.. I couldn't believe how I got used to the no sleep thing or how fast time was flying but one night she slept for a 6 hour stretch and I thought to myself.. pretty excitedly - YUSS she will be sleeping longer and longer from now- I could not wait. I couldn't wait to be able to sit down and eat dinner with my partner and talk about our days like we used to, I couldn't wait to have a long shower, I couldn't wait to do face masks before bed, paint my nails, and watch tv without having to worry about Alyssa waking up during my favourite programme (at the time it was The Block..haha) but as all you mums would be thinking quietly right now while you are reading this - it is never the case. Of course a few weeks after, she got a cold and then she started teething and the list went on...... So by the time the 2015 season of The Block NZ had finished, my baby was back to 3hourly sleep at night. I then learnt that parenthood is not on my time, but on hers and I wouldn't have it any other way. She sits in her highchair during dinner time with us now as we have our early dinner and as for face masks and nails?.. well .. .. my time will come;)
Being a mother has taught me not only about my baby but also about my family, my partner and myself. Seeing my mum as a grandmother, seeing my stepdad as a grandfather and seeing my partner as an amazing dad. I could not ask for more. This is the greatest moment of my life thus far. Everyday is different and time just flies by - I guess like they said "time flies when you are having fun". Every milestone, every new sound, every new movement - I cherish. I learnt that time flies and my baby will never be this age again and I am not talking about the first year but I am talking about EVERYDAY. Everyday she is older than the day before and everyday she learns something new and all I can say is I love being a part of it even when she pees, poos and vomits on me. Now that is definitely love when you hear their farts and burps and still think they are the cutest thing alive!
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and see her smile, hear her laugh and see what she will show me! I can't wait to wake up everyday and be her mother!